alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
