I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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