So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We are all done wearing pants today
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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