it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
