I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
