Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
