Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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