How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
