nut hugger
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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