You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
