At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
