Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
