R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
