It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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