Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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