He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Boobs are out for the taking
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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