On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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