i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
