She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is my gift to your gina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
