Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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