He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
