I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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