3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
