i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
