i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
