There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
