i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
