My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
