The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
