I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
