Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
