respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
