You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
