you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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