if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
