Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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