I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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