We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Less talking, more tequila
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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