When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My balls are so social today.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
