Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
