Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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