I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
