I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
