I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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