hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
