Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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