Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
