She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
