he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
