so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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