Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
