ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
