So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
