So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
