Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
