He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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