I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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