So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She bit a glass in half.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
