Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
