remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
