I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
