I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
