Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
