I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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