i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
