Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
