i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
