YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
