Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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